Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Musings for March 22nd....

A few random thoughts and updates:

Dreaming of being skinny:
I realized last night that I have almost completely changed my diet and have started working out WAY more often and that all happened one year ago in March. Even though I have markedly improved how I feel (much less anxiety, I handle stress better) sleep, a look to some extent (my hair seems nicer, my skin seems better, I think I have more tone and definition).... I haven't lost any weight. My weight teeters around a solid number (I'm not telling) and goes down about 5 pounds from there depending on the day, time, etc.  I realize that weight is not everything and while I am happy that some of my clothes fit better, I still wish I was thinner. I realize that "thin" does not equal healthy, but I live in Southern California and spend a lot of time in a bikini. I also have been consistently called "voluptuous" and I know that is just a nice way of saying "porky". OK, not really. I wish there was a magic pill to take to loose a few lbs. Here's to hoping. I also used to be very skinny! I only weighed 120 until I was 22. Needless to say, that is no longer the case. HARUMPH. 

Last Wednesday, I had a TOTAL WACKY WEDNESDAY. Does anyone remember that book? I woke up early to take Peroni for a walk and on the way home I encountered this woman who lives in my neighborhood. I have seen her before and she has said some mean things to me in the past under her breath "You are so ugly", etc. I thought I might be imagining it, but Wednesday I realized that I certainly was not imagining it. She was walking her dog who proceeded to lunge at Peroni and bark and go crazy. She yelled at me and said something along the lines of "You deserve it and that's what you get!" I was mystified and for some reason it made me cry. I rushed home to tell Aaron and he rushed outside to my honor but we could not find the woman so we just forgot it. UGH! Rough start to the day. 

Well, I get to my office an hour later, and someone is parked in my parking spot (we have assigned spots).  It was a Mini Cooper and I know the owner. He has parked in my spot before and I have politely asked him not to. He always gets really huffy. On Wednesday I wrote him a note asking him to "please" not park in our spots anymore. Well, that must have really made him mad because he stormed into my office with the note, threw it at me, and screamed something about how it would have been nice if I said "please". I was so shocked! Anyone else would have just stopped parking there! I immediately burst into tears. It was 9:00 am and now 2 people have screamed at me!!!!!!!!!!! WTF????? I was so angry...and a little bit scared, to tell the truth. We made a formal complaint to the property manager and I think it's all ok now. 

But this really got me to thinking. When I woke up on Wednesday... I had NO idea what was in store for me. I could have broken my leg, won the lottery, closed a huge deal at work, found a mouse in my house, ran into an old friend or enemy, etc. ANYTHING can happen to you on ANY day at ANY time. Even if it means two jerks screaming at you for nothing. Or maybe it was something much better? It was very funny that the next day, one of my favorite bloggers, Kath, wrote about how outside forces can affect us and what to do with them. She included a really nice poem by one of my favorite poets, Rumi, about how humans are like hotels and each day brings new guests...some are good and some are bad, but the shape who we are. WE are the ones who choose HOW the shaping takes place. So, even though I had to welcome two unhappy visitors into my hotel, I just choose to learn from them. Unfortunately, I think the woman is insane, and I will just have to find more patience for her when I encounter her again (I already have, twice) and as for the man? He must be having a really hard time. He must be truly unhappy with his life to make a pitiful girl like me cry over something as trivial as a parking spot. I learned from him to be happy and thankful with what I do have, and not to worry about the things I don't have. I also learned not to project my unhappiness onto others...you never know what kind of day they are having. 

Here is the poem:

Guest House

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


Today is the 22nd day in a row that I have done yoga!!!!! I feel so proud of myself. :) My shoulders are looking really toned :) I am feeling stronger too. I have noticed that my mid back is sore and asked one of the instructors to watch me to see if I am doing something wrong. I might be just overdoing it. I will definitely be careful but WILL finish my challenge. :) Even if I am not skinnier for my 31st birthday, I will be stronger. :)

Tomorrow is my three year anniversary with Aaron. It's amazing how time flies when you are having fun! We have had a great time together over the last three years. Aaron has stood by me through some tough times and I also have stood by him through tough times. We have made it through a lot and still manage to laugh together. We have a happy, supportive and fun family unit (with Peroni, of course!). Love you, Honey! Thanks for eating all the veggies I cook you! XXXOOO

I think that is it. Have a happy day and welcome all the visitors into your hotel today...just remember to learn from them. :)

1 comment:

  1. I just got a chance to read this post. You sound like me with the weight issue. I thought I ate great all week, worked out hard each day except yesterday was my rest day and instead of going to lunch I went to the gym and just walked and then did slow vinyasa for 10 minutes to focus on my breathing. Today I got on the scale and I was UP! It started to ruin my day but I'm trying to move on. Like you said it's just a number and all I can do is keep trying.